


Episode 149: Carlos

by LadyoftheWoods



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-01
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-10-05 04:44:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20483075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: Events of episode 149 and a bit of the aftermath from Carlos's point of view.





	Episode 149: Carlos

**Author's Note:**

> I listened to this episode last night at like 1am and was completely crying at the end of it, so have this little piece I wrote to continue the cry fest!

Something strange was happening. Well, something strange was always happening, but this was stranger than usual. Stranger than clocks not working, than huge seismic activity leaving no trace of earthquake damage, than the sun screaming as it rises.   
People, places he’d known since ending up in Night Vale were vanishing without a trace, without even a memory of them left behind. The Dog Park, where he’d unwittingly been trapped for so long deep inside was gone, and no one remembered a thing about the hooded figures or the dessert otherworld.   
All the houses next to his and Cecil’s place were empty, as if they’d never been lived in, even though just moments before there had been neighbors, families, people, living there. He saw them every day, waved hello as he left for work, they’d even stopped shouting “interloper!” at him, they recognized him that much.   
Why was he the only one who remembered any of this, who noticed everything disappearing, who realized the moon had not always been damaged and broken? He needed to call Cecil, he needed to make sure he was ok while he figured out how to fix this. He was a scientist, after all, scientists fix things. He started talking as soon as Cecil picked up, not giving him a chance to even say hello.   
“Cecil, hi. I just wanted to make sure everything was fine down at the studio. Here in town, things are vanishing and people are being written out of history and memories, as if they never existed in the first place. I’m working on figuring it all out, but be careful until then, ok?” He asked, nervous at the long pause that followed.   
“I’m sorry, who is this? I don’t recognize your number. Or your voice, for that matter, and I know everyone in town.” Carlos paused, confused.   
“Cecil, this isn’t funny. It’s me, Carlos. Night Vale’s resident scientist.” He hedged, sinking feeling growing in the pit of his stomach.   
“Oh, a scientist! I’ve never actually met one of those! Would you mind coming on the radio show sometime to talk about your work? I’m sure the listeners, and myself, would be very interested.” Carlos froze, phone almost falling from his hand. No, no, not Cecil too, not… he took a breath. He could explain this. He could explain it to Cecil and he’d remember everything and it would be fine.   
“How about we meet up for dinner? There’s a good restaurant…” He settled a bit reluctantly on Big Rico’s. For once there was another pizza place in town, but Cecil didn’t want to go that fancy, and if he pushed him Carlos was afraid he wouldn’t show up and hear him out.   
He swept into his lab, dropping his phone on the lab bench, raking his hands through his hair. He felt like everything was spiraling out of control. Time was collapsing, something was making people and places pop in and out of existence, of time, of memory. He was forgotten.   
He shoved the pain deep down. They’d work it all out at supper. He had a few hours until then to run experiments, make observations, try and figure out how to fix all this. He had to. He had to be fine. A scientist is always fine.   
Dinner did not go well. He explained everything, that he knew how much Cecil loved him, that Cecil had a sister and a brave, smart, niece, and a kind, bumbling brother in law, and his mother had died and they were married and had a dog and a house and a shared life and history that started with lights above the Arby’s.   
Cecil said he’d know if he had a sister, and he didn’t, so he didn’t have a niece or a brother in law either. His mother was fine, he’d talked to her earlier that day and she was kind and warm as always. He said there had never been an Arby’s in Night Vale, and mysterious lights never hovered in place, they always followed the highways and appeared to be cautious drivers. And he was more of a cat person, though he’d never gotten around to adopting one.   
It was a mess and a fight and it ended with Cecil saying he was crazy and leaving, and Carlos could barely stand to go home, go to their home, so he didn’t. He went to his lab where he was the only scientist left and he rolled up his sleeves, made horrible coffee, Cecil always made the coffee, he hadn’t made it in forever and couldn’t remember the special way Cecil prepared it.   
He wiped away the tears from his red rimmed eyes, unable to stop crying even as he worked, to stop the sorrow from swallowing him whole, at least in the Otherworld he’d been able to call and skype and astral project into the studio. Now Cecil wanted nothing to do with him, thought he was some obsessed nut, which he was, but so was Cecil and that was the point. They were supposed to love each other.   
He loved Cecil’s voice and dedication to his community, his habit to put other’s needs first, to protect his friends, to speak out for what he believed in even when it didn’t align with the powers that be. He loved the way Cecil’s eyes stared into his when he tried to explain something sciency, the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled, the way he lightly snored when he slept and denied it in the morning, the way his laugh sounded like chocolate, the way his lips tasted like promise and hope, the way they fit together like they were each other’s missing puzzle piece. He didn’t miss anything about the outside world as long as Cecil was there with him on this crazy ride of life in this crazy town outside of time.   
He’d never considered he could lose him. Especially not like this. Knowing he was out there, in his studio, broadcasting like always, his silky voice over the airwaves as if nothing was wrong, as if everything weren’t falling apart. Not that that would stop him from recording anyway, Carlos though wryly, letting out a sob.  
He’d been working nonstop for days, maybe a week, he didn’t know anymore. He couldn’t sleep. If he slept, he’d wake up and forget everything was wrong and he’d remember all over again that Cecil was out there and didn’t know him, didn’t want to know him. He’d remember that their wedding, their happiness, their very history didn’t exist anymore, and he was out there alone, and Carlos was in here alone, utterly, for the first time in six years.   
He felt a desperate surge of uncharacteristic anger. He gave everything to this town again and again, and all he asked in return was this one thing, just this one man, just this one love, and it was gone.  
If he stopped working, he had time to think and remember and if he did that he might never be able to go on, because the pain ate him up from the inside, fracturing his heart into pieces, stabbing into his mind, clawing at his lungs until he couldn’t breathe through the panic.   
It was useless. He’d known from the start that this was something he couldn’t beat, but he would admit it now that he was exhausted and battered and heartsick. He couldn’t go back in time and fix whatever mistake had led to this alteration in time, he couldn’t even just make himself forget too. Maybe that would be better, if he could just forget too. He was too empty to even wonder why he still remembered everything even though no one else did.  
He swept all the papers off the table in front of him, he smashed beaker after beaker against the wall, overturned machine after machine, shattered test tube after test tube until he was gasping for air and covered in sweat, hands scratched from glass shards, glass crunching under his feet, sticking in his hair. He felt like he was going insane, really and truly crazy. He slid to the floor under the now weakly flickering light of the lab, clutching his head and squeezing his eyes shut as if that might wake him from this nightmare.  
He’d been texting Cecil, desperately off and on, some more coherent than others, but he hadn’t responded once, he didn’t even know if Cecil was reading them, he probably blocked his number by now. He didn’t care. He pulled his phone out of his pocket, hitting the speed dial for Cecil.  
He didn’t care if he had to pretend like he’d never met Cecil, like he had never heard Cecil’s life story before, if he had to pretend every discussion was new even though he already knew Cecil’s life story and self better than he knew his own mind. He didn’t care if he had to tell Cecil his own life story for the thousandth time, no matter how much it ached that Cecil didn’t remember any of it. It was still Cecil, and that’s what mattered. He just needed Cecil back, he just loved Cecil, he just… he didn’t know how to live without him anymore. He’d do anything Cecil needed just as long as he had him back in his life  
“I just… I love you Cecil. I love you so, so much.” He hung up on the voicemail, not even knowing if Cecil would ever listen to it. He was utterly empty, hollow. He didn’t have the will to move, to care, to wipe away his seemingly endlessly streaming eyes, to get up and eat something, even though he couldn’t remember the last time he’d even had a snack, much less a meal.  
He was so useless. He could save the town again and again, survive cataclysmic event after cataclysmic event, witness horror after horror, but he couldn’t do this one stupid, simple thing. When it really counted, he was hopelessly, stupidly, useless.   
He closed his eyes, remembering their wedding, the reception. Everyone in town was there, old friends, new friends, enemies and frenemies, all united in their shared joy, for that one night just all together as a town, to celebrate something good. It was the best day of his life. Their first kiss as a married couple, their first dances, one a strange Night Vale traditional dance involving hopping on one foot and squawking like a chicken while spinning in a circle, the other a waltz. He remembered the splitting smile on Cecil’s face, so very different from Kevin’s too wide smile, just a smile of joy that reached to his sparkling, beautiful eyes, eyes that always drew him in and trapped him in their gaze. Cecil said he was beautiful, well. Cecil was a shooting star, a blazing sun, a brilliant, bright comet leading the way forwards. Cecil was his anchor, his heart, his love. He had been from the moment Carlos had first seen him in his studio, first gazed at the lights above the Arby’s, first saw his capacity for care and love and passion and compassion.   
If he weren’t so tired maybe he’d just wander into the dessert and let it devour him. Maybe that would be easier than living like this. Maybe this life was not worth this suffering. Maybe… maybe he could sleep. Just a bit, just enough. He couldn’t think straight anymore, his mind was running in circles, nonsensical circles.   
Seventy-two hours was how long a human could go without losing brain efficiency. How long had he been awake now? Longer than that, he was sure. Longer… long…. Too, too long…  
Dimly he heard the door slam open and footsteps pause, before crunching across the ground. He didn’t know how long he’d been in this half haze of sleep, how long he’d been curled here against the lab bench on the floor, drifting through half thoughts and dreams. He heard a sharp intake of breath and rushing steps, then there was a hand on his shoulder, a hand caressing his face, tipping his chin up to look into those bright eyes, misted over.   
“Cecil?” His voice cracked on the name, his voice small and rasping. Cecil let out a small sound, then his lips were on Carlos’s, drowning him in sweetness, lighting up his body with warm heat, cheeks flushing and mind suddenly startling awake.   
After a long moment they pulled apart, quietly breathing in air, simply staring at each other. Then Carlos’s beautiful face crumpled and he buried it against Cecil’s chest, breathing in his scent, silently sobbing with exultation and relief. He felt Cecil’s arms holding him tight as he pulled Carlos onto his lap, rocking him gently, soothingly shushing and murmuring to him, stories of their life together, of inside jokes, of memories and joys and small arguments that so recently had been lost for what may have been forever. That honey cinnamon voice laced through his mind, warming him from the inside out, slowly putting his heart back together, slowly bringing him back to reality.  
“Carlos, Carlos. My beautiful, perfect husband. I love you, I love you so much honey. I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. It’s alright now. It’s ok. It’s ok.” Cecil whispered, stroking Carlos’s perfect hair, resting his hands against his new, wonderfully soft beard. Carlos looked up at him, Cecil’s heart breaking at the painful hope in those eyes, the complete and utter defeat and exhaustion.   
“I’m so tired, Cecil. But I’m afraid if I fall asleep when I wake up, I’ll find this has all been a sleep deprived hallucination. What if I wake up and you’re gone? What if I wake up and you never existed and I’m left the only one who remembers you and mourns you and misses you?” Carlos asked quietly, brokenly.   
“I’m here, love. For real. I’m never going to leave you. I’ll be right here when you wake up, even if I have to miss my shift at the station. You’re more important to me than anything, Carlos. Than work, than Night Vale itself. Come on dear, you’re making yourself sick.” Cecil gently tugged Carlos to his feet, wrapping an arm around his shoulders to support his stumbling, unbalanced husband as they walked to the back room of the lab, where Carlos still kept a cot, for those nights he slept in the lab after getting too swept up in work. Thinking on it now, Cecil couldn’t remember the last time that had happened. Carlos always came home for supper, no matter what he was working on, he dropped it and came home for Cecil.   
He tucked Carlos in, stroking his hair and singing old songs he remembered vaguely from his childhood, from when his mother wasn’t yet terrified of him. Carlos clung to his hand even as he drifted off, finally, into a deep sleep.   
Cecil looked around the ruined lab, usually kept so tidy and clean, so perfectly organized, now a tattered ruin. Glass was everywhere, papers torn like confetti, machines thrown carelessly to the floor, screens cracked and wires exposed. His gaze drifted back to Carlos, who was stirring uneasily in his sleep, brow crinkling as he muttered something nonsensical, fists clenching. It nearly broke his heart.   
His poor, wonderful, sensitive, sweet Carlos. He’d been so horrible to him, never mind the fact that he couldn’t remember, therefore it wasn’t really his fault, he’d still been the one to hurt Carlos this way. He gave him such absolute love one instant than withheld it the next and it had shattered Carlos in a way Cecil had never imagined possible.   
He knew Carlos loved him, of course, but somehow, he’d always thought that he loved Carlos more. Now he knew he was so very, terribly wrong. Carlos was quieter with his love, showing it in small gestures, in intimate glances, in frequent touches, while he gushed and raved and spoke.  
Carlos cried out in his sleep, twisting under the light blanket, sounding so helpless and wounded Cecil repressed his own echoing cry.   
Instead he took off his shoes and snuggled up to Carlos, laying down and pulling him close, cradling him with his own body, one arm around his waist, one stroking his hair, his head resting against the nape of Carlos’s neck. Carlos leaned into his touch, relaxing against him, letting out a heavy sigh before calming, breath evening out, heart steadying to its proper rhythm.   
“I’m here, love. I’m here.” He whispered softly, letting his own tears flow as he held tight to everything he’d almost lost. First when he’d forgotten, then when he walked into the lab and saw it torn apart, saw Carlos huddled on the floor for a moment he’d thought…. He’d thought Carlos had left him for good.  
He nuzzled his head against Carlos’s hair, breathing deeply, his own heart beat matching Carlos’s, his own breath syncing to his love’s. It was alright now. It was all going to be alright.


End file.
